musings on fall... and more

Today, I sat outside for a few minutes after lunch. I felt the cool air blow past and smelled that particular tang in the air; it's fall. We had temperatures in the mid-80's last week, but that suddenly seems so far away. I've pulled my hoodies out of the closet, traded my shorts for jeans (and realized just how shabby all my clothes are, and how much I need to replace them, but that's another story), and am anticipating months of bundled bike rides and hot beverages at night. Oh yes, fall. When my tea rampages set in. Someone should call the owner of Steap and tell her to expect that crazy Rooibos fiend, 'cuz I'ma comin'.




The leaves have barely started changing, but the grasses are dying off.




Tomorrow is my second therapy session. I feel ambivalent. I've had bad experiences in the past, so I'm not really a fan. I'm looking for major issues. My current therapist did some things that are pet-peeves of mine, but didn't do anything overtly horrible, homophobic, assumptive, or wrong (yes, I've had that kind of negative therapy experience). I don't really want to go, but it's that "I don't want to do anything after work but go home and read/hang out with Lou/be at home" not wanting to go, not the usual "therapy is torture and I would rather be trapped in a room full of tarantulas" sort of not wanting to go. I suppose that's a step in the right direction.

Oh! I fell down the stairs tonight. And landed on my ass. Which I've just had surgery on. That was awesome. Ouch.

Convalescing...

Surgery yesterday went well. Am currently taking it easy, with the help of Lou, the dogs, & a catherd. Lou is doing most of the actual helping. The dogs are confused about why mommy with acting so strangly, and the cats are using me for my body heat.

I can't wait to be up & about and feeling better. The pain meds are making me loopy in a way I don't like and I'm tired of being stuck in the house. I actually WANT to go grocery shopping with Lou later. We'll see. 

More soon. With "real" photos.

Snapshots and whining.

Fall is on the way...





Oh, and a few non-fall-related photos...





And now on to the whining. I am REALLY afraid of anesthesia. Like... I go into every procedure certain I'm going to die. That kind of afraid. The same feeling I get when I'm boarding a plane. I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm preoccupied with it. I know it will be ok in that part of my mind that has the ability to be rational, but that is only PART of my mind. The other part, the crazy, irrational, freak-out-at-the-sight-of-a-needle part... well... that's pretty much the predominant part of my brain right now.

Also? I'm afraid of pain medications. I don't know why, but I'm terrified to take them, and usually don't. I have narcotics sitting around my house from dental work I had years ago. I didn't take a single pill when I had my wisdom teeth out this year.

Which all leads me to ask, "Why am I crazy?" Seriously.

Still in existence.

I've been a non-blogger for the last few months. I think I've popped in here and there with a one-line promise to return soon, but that promised return never really came to fruition. I'm not going to make that promise this time, but I'll promise to try harder.

There's been a lot going on in ol' West Philly. Lou & I had a giant home repair to contend with this summer, and are now undertaking a second repair (this one DIY and far less expensive, but far more time-consuming and probably equally stressful.) I've been plagued with a weird, painful, and embarrassing health issue, and am having surgery on Thursday. I've been having problems since mid-July, and after several attempts at medical treatment, surgery is the only option. I'm terrified of needles, of doctors, of anesthesia... needless to say, I'm freaking the hell out over here. Even worse? It involves my butt. Yarg. My BUTT!

Aside from that, I've been ok. I've been running since June. My illness has curtailed this a bit (I have good days and bad days), but I haven't quit. I HAVE quit wearing shoes, though. Instead, I've been swept up into the barefoot running philosophy. After years of trying to run in fancy sneakers and having shin splints, knee pain, and lower back pain, I talked to some friends, did some research, read Born to Run, and decided to buy myself some funny foot gloves.



Because of my illness (I've had a low-grade fever this whole time and felt generally run-down because of the persistent infection, as well as having some pain on and off) I've been sidetracked and have only been managing a few miles here and there, but still, I'm running. Hopefully after my surgery, I'll be able to pick it up and add distance and frequency. In fact, I know I will, because I'll be feeling well.

I also started therapy this week, which was... interesting. I'm iffy about therapy. I've had some pretty bad experiences in the past, but I'm going to give it a try. It would be nice to combat my anxiety, deal with some of my weird compulsive behaviors (like collecting hundreds of lip balms and pens--What? Why am I a freak?), and generally feel more confident.

But anyhow, all 18 of you who read this... I'm still out here. I can't promise to blog all the time, but I'll promise to try harder. I think I need the outlet.

Oh, and KITTY!



Bella is a recently-adopted shelter kitten who has the genetic mutation of an American Curl. Barf-ily cute.

I'll write again soon. I think.